


They grown up so fast ...

by Kitteh_Kurhanna



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitteh_Kurhanna/pseuds/Kitteh_Kurhanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LoL I like making Personal AU for myself! This one is set in Marvel's Avengers Initiative! Please please comment! I'm getting heaps of hit but i have no idea how anyone feels about the story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home

Screaming, always screaming, I hear the voices rising and falling sometimes they’re sobbing other times they’re almost to shrill to hear I seem to feel them vibrate through my head. I claw my way to consciousness as the nightmare fades and I sit up. My throat is sore so I must have been screaming again in my sleep. Taking a deep breath I glance at the door, waiting to see if I had been heard. I hear slow footsteps and faint scratching at the door.

“Are you ok? Do you want me to come in?” Her voice is muffled but I can hear the concern and faint apprehension. Sighing I sit up swinging my legs over the edge and resting my arms on my thighs, I scrub my face before replying.

“No, no I’m ok now, sorry I woke you hun really sorry. But I did tell you not to take the room next to mine!” Smiling as I hear her huff a laugh. She laughs again and I hear her shuffle away but not back to her room, she’s heading to the kitchen.

I look at the clock its 6:48 am. Sighing I wriggle my toes I can feel the tension headache throbbing, it’ll be another day of painkillers and gritting my teeth but oh well I’ve lived with this for twelve years, these abstract nightmares usually cold, blood, pain and screaming. Never much on images though one image keeps reoccurring.

A face, grimacing in pain or mouth open wide and screaming, occasionally just staring at me, sometimes I know that face other times I just think it reminds me of other faces burned into my mind.

Taking a deep breath and stretch glancing at my bathroom door I can see my one over indulgence, a massive spa bath with built in heaters to you can stay in there for almost forever. Remotely controlled I must have turned it on, my body knowing I’d need it to just start the day, even before my mind caught up.

Sighing in pleasure almost all of the tension is gone but for one area, but nothing is ever going to fix that! I can hear the other are up and gathering for breakfast. Getting out and dressed I feel lighter for some reason but that one place of tension is tingling, not its usual thing, it’s either blinding me with a migraine or alerting me to others with similar abilities to my own.

Wandering down the hall to the spacious kitchen a large cup of Earl Grey tea is waiting for me, beside it several strong painkillers. Scooping up the four pills I down then with a sip of hot tea, sighing I sit down and slowly sip the rest of my tea. Opening my eyes I find Lorna just quietly sipping her own coffee, just reading the paper.

“Thank you hun, I am sorry to get you up this early.” Lorna looks up smiling and shaking her head.

“Babe you think after all the years I’ve known you that getting woken up by you screaming is going to bother me?! But saying that it used to be very different screams way back when …“ Her voice trails off as she grins openly at me reminding me of several occasions that she’s heard me having sex. Laughing I shake my head and pour more tea from the large pot she’d made for me.

“Actually I thought you might’ve been up early anyway what with Bee and Nicky coming home today!” My eyes widen as I remembered that my darling children are due home today! I feel a rush of fierce love flow through me at the thought of them, my sole reason for surviving all those years ago! My sweet, strong and very independent eleven year old twins who were coming back from summer camp, hmmm they’ll be all fired up over something that they’d learned there and we’ll have some doozy fights about it but I know they mean well.

I had to draw the line at a few of their crusades though, that dolphin hunting one though, actually any hunting really, they both see as abhorrent. It’s the sole reason I had to buy a farm just so we had meat that we know is being treated humanely. Actually all the food we have is grown there we’ve hardly had to buy anything for almost ten years. Good thing Clint’s out neighbour though ….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning fairly flew as the rest of the household woke up and rushed about getting ready for Bee and Nicky. At midday Clint and Tash come round bearing gifts! All the food we’d need for a month all grown and processed at my farm but with locals doing all the hard work for us.

“Ooh that looks great guys! I love this jam! How’s Miss Drew going? Still calling you young man?” I throw questions out as I stock the massive pantry with all the packages and jars they’d brought. I turn and see Clint watching me with narrow eyes and Tash laughing as she sits on the barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar.

“Yes dammit, she watches me like bloody hawk that one! But Mrs Ogilvy asked me to give you something, she said something about an old dream, no sorry nightmare, and handed me this.” I hear him pull something out of a bag and I turn around slowly dread thrumming through me, I see he’s holding a big old book almost the size of an atlas, covered in navy blue fabric the corners capped in dull silver with a lock made out of silver too. Shaking I stare at it I can feel the pull of memories that book has absorbed over the year.

The front door slams and we can hear Bee and Nicky calling out, I snatch the book, and shuddering at the feel of the book I shove it in a bookcase next to the pantry. It sat there amongst my many cookbooks. Pressing the thought of it to the far reaches of my mind I let the fierce love for my children flood me entirely as I spin around and race into the family room, I grin at my sun bronzed children as they stood chatting with all the friends that had gathered to welcome them home.

Their heads come up and they spin and fly into my open arms, I wrap them in a huge hug peppering kisses on their grinning faces. I feel a pang as I realise that they’d shot up over the two months they’d been away Bee was still taller but I could see that Nicky was rallying to catch up! I was tall but not as tall as Bee was going to be!

“Hmmmm its’ good to have you home!! Missed you so much, well sorta missed you. Didn’t miss the constant bickering, or the mess or that fact my house and car turn into a hotel slash taxi service ….” I rock as I muse about what it was like not having them home and the indigent innocence on their faces was worth all the teasing. “The so called friends that are just locusts in disguise. Hmmm my nice quiet evening are all gone too ….”

“Yeah yeah sure sure Mum what so called quiet evenings are you dreaming about now?! We saw all those pics you all put up!! I have a question, how did you manage to get up that flagpole in a skin-tight dress anyhow?!” Bee tossed her hair as she pulled out of my arm to grab her bag and fish around for her phone.

“Yeah Mum and who was that blond you were with?! Never saw her before and suddenly you’re everywhere with her!!” My normally reserved son tilts his head and puts a hand on his hip, looking so much like my mother that I feel a painful pang, even as I grin at him and give him an innocent look.

“Ah that would be me … Um I’m Sharon Carter.” The blond woman steps out from behind Steve, she smile as Nicky just turns to stare at her. He chews his lip and tilts his head, whatever he sense about her he just tucked it away and turned back to raise an eyebrow at me.

“Ok how about we have lunch huh?!” I gesture to the kitchen and everyone laughs and heads into the large family room leading from the kitchen. I grab Nicky as he tries to sidle passed me. “Don’t Nick just don’t, Steve has enough on his plate about her without any other connections cropping up.”

“Yeah I got that soon as I saw her and him! He hasn’t made the connection yet though? Come on her name is Carter!” He shakes his head as he stares through the hallway, I can feel him focusing in Steve and Sharon, and I shake his arm sharply.

“Don’t Nikolai! Leave them alone! Now why is Bee avoiding me?” I raise my eyebrow at him just as he’d done earlier. He glances at me and frowns.

“I actually don’t know she was fine until we came inside then bam! The wall slammed down blocking me out of all but her very surface thoughts.” I see him turn his thoughts inward and out to his sister along that twin link they have, his eyebrows shot up and he winces. “Nope not trying that again! Wow Mum something sure has her in a tizz! Got one thing though before she chucked me out, something about a book?”

I paled as I realise what Bee felt just as I had when that bloody book came near me, Nicky is like us but Bee and I have few more things we can do with our gifts and sensing that book was one of them. I sighed and Nicky looked at me, I just shuck my head at him and patted his shoulder. I motion him into the family room where everyone seemed to have sprawled out and where telling Bee everything that she’d miss in the last two months.

I see her shaking her head at some of the more outrageous stuff Tony was telling her and she’d turn to Pepper who would only nod or shake her head at Bee to say which parts where Tony elaborating and which were true events.

Lorna and Sam where in the kitchen yakking away as if they hadn’t seen each other a week ago, pulling out all the fixings for a huge lunch, needed considering every seemed to each massive amounts of food, but considering what we all did for a living eating huge amounts, training and going out on really dangerous missions why wouldn’t we all eat well!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone is once more sprawled out on the numerous huge couches and lounge chairs. I’m in my favourite massive snuggle armchair with Nicky and Bee snuggled up to me, just like old times except they’re almost too big to fit next to me. I sigh and I feel a pang as I realise that they won’t be my babies anymore, they’ll be getting further and further away from me.

“Ahuh no we won’t … We’ll always be close to you.” I look down at them as they both mumble, I smile as they’d said that in chorus, just like they used to years ago. Nowadays they talk individually but sometimes they speak at the same time. For years you couldn’t tell them apart, their voices so much alike, but as they’d grown and Nicky’s voice had dropped, well below Bee’s.

“I know my loves, I know.” I hug them tight as all the thought of them growing into adults and all the joys and pain they always seems to entail.

“ _Ahh Kate … I was wondering if I could get you professional opinion on something_.” Tony’s quiet mind voice echoed in my mind telling me that he’s using Pepper to boost his mental reach. The hesitation to fully voice what he’s wanting me to look over tells me that it’s more than sensitive it’s seemingly emotional too.

 _“Sure Ton, now or later?”_ I send the query back through the Pepper/Tony link. I can see Pepper snugged into Tony’s side and by the way she’s frowning on and off also tells me that Tony is talking to her mentally as well as me.

“Ah later but tonight if possible?” I frown and nod at them rather than strain Pepper more, and I see her sigh and scrunch up her eyes and wriggle her nose. She looks so cute when she wriggles her nose but I know she’s trying to ease the slight tension headache.

I look around and see Tash is in the kitchen and I mentally ask her to bring one of my pain relief tea’s to Pepper, as I hear her preparing the tea I gently mentally poke Pepper and tell her the tea’s coming and she smiles at me gratefully, so does Tony before shifting to sit up a little better as Tash brings the tea and Pepper sips gratefully.

Everyone is well settled as we’re watching movies, the consensus being that we all love Disney so it turns into a Lion King marathon. I feel Tony probing me and I look over and he’s tapping his phone. I frown but I did say I’d look over whatever he has, so sighing I wriggle my way out from under the twins, I drop kisses on their heads as wander out to the kitchen.

Tony nods to my office and sighing we head inside, he closes the door and gestures to my security system, and I activate the closed room encryption.

“Ok Ton what’s this all about?” I sit back in my desk chair and motion for him to sit, he shrugs his shoulders and starts to pace.

“Ok, ok. You know who we’ve recently found right? Barns, he seems to be doing well with the mental care we’ve gotten for him but in the last week he’s been not sleeping, not so much just can’t sleep it seems he doesn’t want to! It’s taking its toll on his body, the team that are working with him AND Steve! I don’t know what to do!? Other than Pep, you’ve the only one that’s been through anything remotely similar, my PTSD is different, even though we seem to get along well in therapy sessions, he’s started to shut down in them too! Kate what do I DO?!” The whole time he’d been speaking he’d paced back and forth, but as his frustration had gotten the better of him he slammed his palms down on my desk, leaning over it and all bit glaring at me. I sigh and nibble the inside of my lip before replying.

“Well it sounds like he’s had a nightmare, yes I know he’d have them nightly but this one seems to be really traumatising, possibly even from that first time he’d gotten taken and interrogated. We still don’t have any definitive answers on what was done that first time, only on what was done to him after he lost his arm and they started freezing him and thawing for each use or upgrade. That type of torture, sense deprivation, brainwashing and physical torture is something I do know about. When you first gave me that documents on him I thought you’d found mine! They read like some of my most painful nightmares!!” I shudder as some of this morning’s nightmare flowed through my mind, and I forced myself to remain calm and not retreat into that familiar mental fortress. Looking up at Tony I see in his eyes some of the same fear and I reach out to lay my hands over his clenched fists. “What we all went through, all of us, is harrowing and bloody painful! None of us are whole in any sense of the word, but we all cope differently. I still think I should be a part of his therapy and yours too if you’d let me! There’s no maybe about this Stark! Next session I’m there ok?!”

He sighs and nods and his hands unclench turning under my hands so that our hands are palm to palm. He gently pulls my hands up and I stand, he grins and grips my hands tighter, I suddenly feel him in my mind and I’m not quite quick enough to shut off some of the image from this morning’s nightmare. His eyes widen as he sees some of the flickering images of the torture I went through.

“Oh. My. God. Kate I know those images!” He’s shaking and I feel his mental probe go deeper into the pain fogged memory. I swallow as I relive the memories with him, seeing the bloody images and hearing again the screaming. I can feel Tony shuddering as he feels the backlash of pain and misery. “Kate I think I just realised something …” I feel him pull out of my head and dropping my hands he drops back into one of the chairs. He scrubs his face with shaking hands and I can still see the shivers running through his body.

“What did you realise? Tony you better tell me now, or so help me I’ll hit you!” I glare at him as I pack all the painful memories away back in my mental vault.

“Yes, I see now, how could we have missed that hmmm need to talk to Steve he may know something about that … Maybe Tash actually she’d have more memories of there than Steve … “ Tony mumbled to himself and I was about to smack him upside the head when his head snapped up and his eyes all but glowed. “I need to call someone! Um I need you to step out for a minute …”

 I raise an eyebrow and he just gestured to the door.

“Answers. I want them Stark!” I glare at him as I storm out of my office and I hear the doorway hiss as he puts the encryption back up. Tash and Pepper are waiting for me as I emerge from the hallway and I just shake my head and storm over to the drinks cabinet. I sigh as I just stand there and stare at the bottles before turning around and sighing again.

“Ok what just happened? You can out of there looking to kill Tony, that’s not a usual thing but it is for you. You’re one of the few that are never really angry or frustrated with him!” Pepper tilts her head and flings her hands wide as she smiles at me. I shake my head and wander back to the family room doorway, leaning my shoulder against the jamb I watch my children eat popcorn and whisper to each other.

“I woke up this morning from one of the most vivid recollection of my time as a HYDRA ‘guest’ ever! I could hear, feel and even smell everything! You know the only reason I’m even remotely sane is because of those two miracles! If I hadn’t have gotten out when I did I don’t know what would have happened to them! But looking at Wanda and Pietro now I do know what would have happened to them ….” I whisper this to myself and I almost start to cry when I feel big warm arms surround me, I glance down at the large hands wrapping themselves around my waist I lean my head back on Steve’s shoulder snugging my head under his chin. He rocks gently and hums deep in his chest.

“Don’t cry please don’t cry, cause you’ll make me cry and that’s not very hero-like, you know?” I smile at the thought of Steve looking anything less than hero-like, even when crying and I turn in the circle of his arms, wrapping my own arms around his neck and burying my head into his neck.

“As if you’d look any cuter crying as you do doing anything else! Ha! I still remember coming home from work and finding you three baking and you wearing my most girly ruffled apron!” I mumble against his chest and I and feel the chuckle come from deep in his chest as I make him remember that, and a few other choice occasions he’d made an absolute cake of himself to help take care of my children. From the time they’d be able to safely take care of themselves I’d always had a nanny but they’d grown out of having a nanny and a sitter but they never seemed to see any of the Avengers as carers, always just as family, aunts and uncles by proxy.

“Ooh low blow Kate low blow!” Chuckling he suddenly shifts and all but throws me over his shoulder he charges into the family room lifting me up like a prize and calling out to everyone.

“Who here has any embarrassing stories about Kate!? Hu anyone? She just reminded me of a few times I’d embarrassed myself, especially helping taking care of those two!” Holding me up under my arms he spins around and I laugh as I tap my thigh with one of my feet. He flinches but doesn’t lower me he just changes his grip so that I’m cradled in his big arms. “So anyone have anything on this woman?! Come on, there’s got to be something on her!?”

“Well there was that time in high school she got caught … Ahh never mind … Oh wait yell that time she got arrested for …. Ahh yeah that’s not a good one either …. Well damn half of the tripped out stuff she did was I did too! Man her 18th! That was an awesome weekend! We managed to get on board a cruise ship that was docked the port that was so much fun! The captain was awesome, thought we’d get arrested for that for sure but no he just joined us and showed us around the ship! Kate could talk her way out of bloody everything! Except that one other time you did get arrested for beating that door guard up!” Lorna’s face as she remembered some of our youthful escapades had me in stitches, she had me worried as she started to recount stuff from high school and that other arrest but as she went on about the cruise ship I relaxed. Steve jigged me and I looked up into his grinning face I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes at him.

“Quiet you …” He just chuckled as Lorna recounted a few of my past exploits, Tash chimed in with one or two stories that had me cringing and laughing along with everyone else. I glanced at Bee and Nicky, they were lapping up all the stories, not having heard some of the more risqué ones. Clint had taken my place between them and he was just sitting back and chuckling as everyone seemed to be trying to find the most embarrassing tales to tell!

Although Lorna, Mea, Julie and a bunch of others I had gone to school with would remember some of the more juvenile things I had done only my former SAS siblings would really know some really incriminating things about me.

Over Steve’s shoulder I see Tony walk slowly back into the room wrapping an arm around Pepper, he looked and me and smiled tightly. I whisper to Steve to put me down and he just shakes his head, I then ask him to go over to Tony. I slowly wanders over and stand next to Pepper.

“So you gonna tell why I needed to leave my own office now?” I wriggle getting more comfortable in Steve’s arms and so that I could see Tony’s face better.

“Well yes I can tell you I called Dr Halliwell and she agrees that you need to come in to see her ASAP and about the other thing well we’ll work on that ok?” He smiles tightly again and I nod, I’ve always liked Poppy Halliwell so seeing her was no biggie but the other thing, as Tony put it needed addressing right away!

“Kate are you ok? You’re not having any trouble with your PTSD are you?” Steve jigs me and I look up and smile at him.

“Not really hun most of my stress is from raising those two! It’s about other things I need sorted out. I’m really ok hun really!” I tighten the arm that’s around his shoulders and nuzzle his neck with my nose making him shrug and chuckle trying to escape me tickling one of his most sensitive spots.

“Gah will you stop that! You know that annoys the hell out of me!” Juggling me he tries to stop me from rubbing my nose into the side of his neck and I snort right in his ear which makes him almost throw me away from him! “NO! Don’t DO that!!”

“Awww is Stevie ticklish huh?” He’s got me held out away from him like a little kid, his large hands holding me under the arms, I laugh and swing my legs towards him wrapping my long strong legs around his waist, he automatically draws me close and as he does so I wrap my arms around his neck and snake my head in under his chin snorting and nuzzling his neck. He jumps and yells out but I’ve latched on too tight to him to pull me away without hurting me. Everyone had turned when he’d called out the first time and now they’re all egging me on and laughing.

“Nononono p-please s-stop!!” Steve’s voice is breathless with laughter as I make him giggle uncontrollably. He realises he can retaliate by tickling me and his hands go for my most ticklish spots. But all this does is make me laugh against his neck even more! “Oh crap! Damn damn damn stop!!”

“NO tralala!” I continue to laugh, snort and tickle him with my nose when suddenly I’m sailing through the air! I land on my feet a few metres away and Steve drops to a fighting stance. “Ooh is someone missing their old sparring partner …? How about we take this to the Barn huh?”

“Ooh you’re on little sister!” Striding over to the French doors he opens them up and waves a hand outside. I laugh and we all pour outside and head over to the large barnlike structure attached to the pool house.

“Hey Ma can we go swimming? We’ve seen you and Steve fight heaps and it hot out here!” Bee calls out as we troop past the glass fenced pool.

“Sure baby, but no horsing around ok?!” I smile at them as they race back inside to change. Turning I look around at everyone. “How about we postpone this sparring match huh? Now that she’s mentioned it, it is really hot out here and I’d like to spend some more time with them tonight.”

Everyone nods and wanders into the pool area, Tash, Pepper and Sharon come to me and ask if they can borrow some bathing costumes and I gesture to the pool house saying that some stuff they’d left here had been washed and left in the closet of the bedroom inside. They stroll inside and I wander back into the house to change as well, Lorna follows me in.

“So you’re seeing Poppy again?” Lorna’s low voiced question has me glancing at her and shaking my head.

“Actually it’s about another patient she was that I need to chat to her about. I can’t say much but I think I can help them with their PTSD.” I quietly say, walking into my room and leaning against my door jamb. “I’m ok I know why I’m having nightmare again and they’ll go away like they did last time! But what I’ve been through might help J … Might help Poppy with her patient.”

“OK babe but you tell me, you tell any of us if you need any help at all ok?!” She gives me a quick hug before jogging down the hall to her room. I sigh and wander into my room swiftly changing into my bathers. Gathering towels I jog back outside to join everyone that had decided to go for a swim as well.

Three hours later and everyone was sprawled out on the patio furniture after a rousing game of Marco Polo, I could see that Bee and Nicky were almost passed out and I poked Steve, whom I was leaning on, to get his attention.

“Help me get the squidlets inside? Bee looks like she’s passed out and Nicky isn’t much far behind her.” I feel his chuckle through my back and I heave myself into sitting position, scooting down the end of the pool lounger, Steve’s big feet appeared behind me as he scooted to the end as well. My tiredness from a broken sleep and early start has fully caught up with me and the extended bout of swimming and pool shenanigans had almost knocked me out.

I heave myself to my feet and I stumble over to the daybed that Bee and Nicky had fallen asleep on. Sighing I look down at them and I feel that fierce rush of love for them flow through me. I realise that Clint had gotten up as well and I smiled at him as he picked Nicky up and carries him into the house, I can hear Nicky’s sleepy voice asking Clint questions and I shake my head and chuckle. Steve comes and picks up Bee but she doesn’t wake up and I follow them inside and down the hall.

I tap Steve’s back and gesture to take her into her ensuite bathroom, I lean in and wake her up. She mumbles and protests as he gently seats her on the edge of her bathtub. He taps her on the nose and leaves, closing the door on his way out. I flick on the shower and help Bee washout all the chlorine from her beautiful dark brown hair. Unlike my curly brown hair, hers is a gorgeous mahogany and almost dead straight, with just a hint of curl at the ends.

She doesn’t look much like me, she seems to have the look of her father about her, whereas Nicky is me almost to a tee! But their eyes though, they are definitely not mine! Clear aquamarine blue, startling at first because they both of them tan so well! Nicky has my freckles but he tans so much better than I do! And Bee, gorgeous Bee with her olive skin, her eyes fairly pop out at you like lasers!

Mumbling and grumbling I help her change and slide into bed. I smooth her hair back and give her a kiss on the forehead before slowly drifting out and down the hall to Nicky’s room I can hear him still mumbling to Clint and I smile popping my head in to check Clint’s ok. He’s leaning again the closed door of Nicky’s ensuite, I grin at him as I hear Nicky still questioning him about how the farm had been going.

“Nicky baby bed time. You can chat to Clint another day, ok?” I shake my head when we hear a muffled groan and whining from the bathroom. The door opens and Nicky stumbles out squinting at us from under the towel draped over his head.

“Promise?” Came the muffled response as he crossed the room and plopped on the bed, I stroll over and sit on the blanket box.

“Sure kiddo. It’s been slow recently and I’ve had heaps of time to work on the farm, I’ve got all the paperwork about it at home, I’ll bring it around later ok?” Clint strolls out and waves as he leaves.

“You sure did get my Mum’s green thumb ‘cause you certainly didn’t get it from me!” I pat his foot as he wriggles under the covers and picking up his towel I drape it back over his head and give his hair one more rub.

“M-muuuum! I’m dry enough!” He struggles to yank the towel off his head and I give in and let him have the towel, he tosses it at the hamper near the bathroom door and I grin down at his disgruntled face. Leaning down I frame his face and give him big smacking kisses all over, he struggles and starts to giggle, I eventually give up and let him snuggle down under his sheets.

“Good night baby, missed you so much! Well I have the next two weeks off so we’ll be able to spend some time together ok?” I walk back to the door and lean against the jamb turning the lamp on as I pass. I see that he’s almost out as I just stand there gazing at him fall asleep. I hear someone stroll down the hall and I feel someone stand behind me, glancing over my shoulder I smile at Sam as he leans against the wall behind me, I go back to staring at my wonderful, inquisitive sometimes irritating son.

“Well we’re about ready to head off, you ok? I heard you mention Poppy …” Sam’s low voiced questions brought me back to everything else that’s cropping up now. I sigh and shake my head partially closing the door and walking back down the hall, Sam a step behind me, everyone is gathered around the kitchen and I can smell Clint’s favourite coffee blend,  grinning as he handed me my favourite cup I inhale and sip slowly.

“God this stuff should be illegal it’s so good!” Everyone chuckles and we start chatting about the farm and how well everything has been going there, it seems like everyone is determined to not talk about anything heavy right now and I smile gratefully ant everyone. I wander around and give everyone a hug and a few quiet word of thanks, for coming round and for now, keeping this leave-taking light and happy.

Sharon is the first to indicate that she’d like to go home, and so Steve wanders over and more hugging ensues. Laughing everyone else seems to take this as their time to leave as well, grabbing coats and bags of food that they’d gotten from Clint and Tash they all troop out of the door into the clear evening, leaning against the door I wave and grin at everyone, Lorna and Mea are outside still chatting a mile a minute to Tash and I laugh as I see Clint pick Tash up and put her I the car, everyone is laughing and it all seems fine ….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Some Explanations Please?

I come too as I hear a woman trying to reassure a man as he demanded to check on me. I look around and I realise I’m in my bed with the sheets tucked up under my arms, I have a monitor cuff strapped to my left forearm and I can hear the beeping of my bed as it monitors my heart rate and vital signs.

I have a hazy recollection of falling and people yelling then sliding into my nightmare. It’s like something was pulling my mind back into the nightmare, or more like someone was pulling me back, the voice and face in my dreams is really clear and I can feel arms gripping my upper arms shaking me and screaming at me, I can’t quite make out what the face is saying, and frowning I realise he’s yelling in another language and on another level as I can hear in my mind his voice telling me something in English!

I suddenly understand what he’s saying in the other language and what he’s telling me to do in my mind! The mental voice is telling me to run, run now but what he’s verbally yelling it almost gibberish until I understand he’s saying run in English in my head and verbally yelling ‘now’ in Russian!!

“Gaaaah!! I finafuckingly get IT! Oh fuck me sideways!” The bed monitor beeps loudly as my heart rate spikes and I smack my forehead with my right hand. “Shit, fuck, damn, der’mo, yebat, chert!”

“Well you certainly remember how to swear in Russian well enough.” I hear the deep, slightly rough voice, and I freeze. Slowly I look down, I stare at the black clad man sitting on the floor leaning against the end of my bed, his eyes are closed and he idly flipping a short black knife. I watch that knife as I flickers and flies in the air, I breathe slowly and silently still not moving. I can see Poppy and Steve at the door by my whole attention is on him and that damned knife.

“Mr Barnes would you please put that knife away, you scaring my patient!” Poppy’s usually smooth soothing voice had an unknown edge to it, I realise that it’s fear, not of the knife, but of the man.

“She’s not afraid of the knife, it is her after all.” The knife flickers and disappears, he smiles slightly and shakes his head. His eyes snap open and stare at me with remembered intensity.

My breath strangles in my throat as I fall into those icy blue eyes, he slowly shifts crouching then standing, hip cocked and smiling at me tightly. Everything comes back to me, all those blocked memories of pain and terror. I start to shiver then shudder, my head starts to shake, trying to deny those awful memories as they rush through my head like some horrible movie that I can’t stop. He slowly sits on the end of my bed his hand slides across the bed sheet to tangle with my finger as they lay twitching.

I look down at his hand feeling the tough like a slow warmth flowing up my hand and wrist as his hand covers mine. He moves forward inches at a time till he’s sitting right in front of me pressing against my left hip, his hand sliding up my arm to my shoulder, tangling his finger in the hair that had fallen free from my messy ponytail.

“You look just like I remember you … You didn’t age did you? But wait I see some signs of age around your eyes but I think that’s not age but pain … They say I haven’t changed either but I feel all kinds of changed these days. I remember the trouble I got in for helping you and the others, I only meant to help you but you tried to free everyone even me! I, who needed freeing the least you tried to take with you! After all I did to you! Ahh I am sorry, truly honestly sorry about what I did to you … They worked it out after that what I did to you wasn’t just them telling me to do it … He wanted to see if he could breed us like dogs, but I deliberately made it seem like I’d … Well you know … I kept not doing what they wanted to but I still kept coming back, I’m sorry I know you didn’t see it as the lesser evil but well there were other way and means but I think He just liked to see me use you like that and well I felt almost human when I was with you … I know you didn’t …” As he spoke, his hand slowly sliding into my hair, cradling my head. Suddenly realised that I was leaning my head into his hand and straightened, his finger where tangled in my hair the tiny stings as a few strands had gotten caught and he pulled his hand away. His face up until then had been filled with tenderness, it then hardened and he slowly pulled away from me and stood looking down at me.

Suddenly Steve’s fist connected with his face and spinning away he ducked and wove always keeping me behind him as Steve did his best to beat the shit out of his former best friend!

“STEVEN STOP!” Yanking on the cuff I ripped it off and springing to a crouch I used it to smack both of them over the head! They both stopped fighting long enough to duck away from me as I kept swinging the cuff. “YOU SHUT UP! YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN!”

I leapt down lightly and stood glaring at both of them, they just stood there and stare at me, and I snorted and looked from one to the other calculating ….

“We will do this civilly, you know like adults we pretend to be! YOU I know, I remember everything too, and YOU, Steve honey calm down, not everyone is a fucking saint, least of all me or him! There are many dark things done in the past and you know most of the truly dark and mad things I have done before and after I was captured! No I am hungry and I would ill for more of that evil coffee so how about we continue this discussion in the kitchen hmmm?!”

So saying I push between them and stride out grabbing Poppy as I stalk down the hallway, I glance back seeing them striding in step behind us, they are making an effort not to look at each other but they keep glancing at each other and both go red as they catch the other looking. I sigh and shake my head catching Poppy’s eye I can see she’s pale and still sorting through all that she’d learned about him and about my time as a prisoner.

I gently squeeze her hand and she glances up at me, I smile reassuringly and I get a small smile in return. Strolling into the kitchen I see everyone is still here and I raise my eyebrow at them as they sit around my massive dining table sipping coffee.

“Huh you know you all can go home now … I’m fine Pop’s here you can see I’m up and in no way hurt …. What?” I look from one to the other and I can see most of them grinning, I frown and comprehension floods my head. I twist my mouth and wriggle my nose at them.” I see you all stayed for the show huh?! Well bugger off all of you! Well the ones that don’t live here anyway!”

They all chuckle them they see Steve and His faces, the matching black eyes that they didn’t have when they last saw them. The mood starts to take on a more serious air as everyone collects their coats and bags, I can see reluctance start to overcome them and I shake my head.

“Look everyone you’ll hear about most of this another day right now I need to chat to them and I really can’t do that with you all here ok? I am really ok, come on you all heard me?! I am in fine fettle, well enough to take care of these chuckle heads! Now scoot!” I smile and make shooing motions as they all file out and I get a few calls of ‘call me/us! And I nod and wave as they all leave the last being Tash and Clint and they give me significant looks saying more than call me. I nod directly at them and my hands flicker as I sign them that I will call them as soon as this is settled.

I turn and wander into the kitchen sighing in pleasure as I spy the big bag of coffee beans sitting the counter, I pick it up and hug it to my chest. I turn, Steve’s rolling his eyes and He is frowning His head tilted just as I remember it. My chest tightens as I recall the first time I saw that curious head tilt … Swallowing I busy myself with grabbing cups and filling them precisely the right amount of coffee before sliding the cups over the counter and letting them do their own adding, I grab the milk and raw sugar before I steel myself to look at him again.

He’s standing there looking down at the cup I’d given him, he seemed unsure of what to do with it, he kept glancing at Steve and Poppy as they added sugar, cream or milk and sipped in appreciation. A sudden memory flooded me and I reached over and filled his cup with the stronger dregs from the coffee pot. His eyes snap to mine as he realised I knew how he liked his coffee even if he didn’t seem to. He slowly reached for the cup and sipped cautiously, his eyebrows snapping up in surprise at the very fine tasting coffee.

I hide my smile behind my cup as I sip slowly, savouring the fine coffee, I wander through to the office thinking it would be safer if we talk in there. I hear Poppy grab something and looking back I see her grab the biscuit jar, I grin at her and she shrugs her shoulder smiling sheepishly. Steve just shakes his head and He still looks unsure about all of this as we walk towards my large office, I turn and lean against the door jamb waiting for them to enter chuckling as I see that Poppy has loaded both the men with more food as well as the jar she held they had bags of popcorn, the coffee pot and He held a large bag of mixed nuts.

“Pop hun we’re not going to be in here that long! It’s like you’re stocking up for a siege!” Chuckling I shake my head at her as she trots in grinning at me she deposits the coffee pot on the plate warmer in the small galley kitchen I had installed when I built the house.

“Yeah I know but I missed dinner and I can’t be bothered eating a full dinner plus I think we’ll need something to munch on ok?!” Steve drops the bags of corn on the counter next to the pot and grabs a chair lounging in it watching Him carefully, He just stands next to me, waiting it seems for me to direct him, I raise my eyebrow at him and He just stares at me waiting. I sigh closing the door before flicking open the cover over the light switch and seal the room, turning back around I see him watching me closely, studying me it seems, not giving anything away this time. His face is impassive but as I walk towards my massive desk he keeps himself between me and Steve, I’d noticed that earlier but didn’t want to antagonise Steve about it. I can see Steve has noticed this behaviour and so has Poppy.

Sitting back in my large leather chair I study him fully this time, seeing the utter exhaustion on his face and the ridged way he held himself, the black eye blooming on his face did nothing to detract from how handsome he was, long dark brown hair hung well passed his shoulders, it had been tied back but was now free and tangled around his strong face. His clothing was all black, leather jacket over a black tee and what looked like leather combat pants as well as massive boots.

I chewed my inner lip and as I studied him, he in turn seemed to catalogue me, I looked down and saw that I was still wearing the kaftan I’d slipped on over my swimsuit, my hair had been tied back but messily and long strands hung over my shoulder and down to my waist. I looked as my scars and tattoos smiling as I wondered what he thought of all my inked skin. I glanced at Poppy as she eat her way thought the jar of biscuits, she seemed to just waiting, on what I wasn’t quite sure but she was calm as usual so taking my cue from her I calmly sipped my drink and waved a hand to a chair, He looked around and putting down the bag he grabbed a chair and placed it against the wall with no windows, making sure he could see the exits and everyone else.

Steve narrowed his eyes at Him but he just sat and waited with slightly unnatural calm, unnatural because I could feel the tension thrumming from him, it was starting to infect me when I smacked my hand down on the desk. Everyone jumped, startled they all just stared at me!

“OK this has gone on long enough! Steve stay quiet, Pop just listed and you, calm down, no one is going to do anything to you again! OK I can feel your tension like a buzzing in the back of my head, can you please try to damp that down? Look up till now I hadn’t remembered much about what happened apart from fragments, mostly scary or painful images and such, no real clear anything like just now. That was, oh my suns, a well scary trip down memory lane! OK I’m not going to go into full detail we both know what happened and I forgave you years ago but I think you never forgave yourself over anything you did, have you? No didn’t think so!” His eyes had widened and had stayed wide the whole time I spoke, he coloured up them paled, I could see his shoulder tense and stay that way and I shook my head at him. “Stop tensing up please?! You tense up and we all tense up! Sun and moon man none of what happened to me was your fault! You’re not going to get blamed!”

“But I did, well truly heinous things! Look objectively I know but that’s not going to help me!” He chewed his lip and started to say more, I held up a hand stopping him.

“You’re missing the part about objectives, I can still hear that other part of your mind that is the killer, its being overridden rather well but you have to stop blaming the other part of you and accept that what the killer did as you will never be fixed! Forgiven by some but never truly fixed unless you stop blaming everything on yourself! The war was not your fault neither was being captured the first time nor the second! We both know the people at fault for all that happened to both of us but since most of them are dead there’s not much else we can do but go forwards! Now we all need time to get used to the new situation and …” I frowned as the screen and noticed the sensors had tracked motion in the house and I realised with a start that it was quarter passed 7 in the morning! Ahh hell the kids are up!

“That would be the Terror Twins I take it? I think that we all should go home, get some sleep and talk rationally about all of this another day hmmm? I for one am not thinking very well right now and you all need more time to adjust to these changes!” So saying Poppy stood up and stretched grabbing the half empty jar and her cup she strode over to the door looking over her shoulder at me as she tapped her toe waiting patiently.

I laughed shortly and popped the lock for her and I watched as she marched out of the room calling out to Bee and Nicky as they seemed to be in the kitchen gorging themselves as usual in the morning. I sighed and stretched rolling my head to ease the kinks in my neck. I was startled to feel warm finger kneed my neck and the back of my head, I tilted my head back looking up at Him as he’d silently crept up behind me. I glanced down my nose at Steve and he was staring at us with an odd look on his face, I realised with jolt it was puzzlement.

I frowned at Steve as He worked on my neck and shoulders, I al but moaned as He found a particular spot and I heard Steve huff a laugh and looking back up he’d started chuckling, shaking his head at us.

“OK what’s so funny chuckle head?” I saw rolling my head under His strong fingers.

“I was so dammed angry with Buck over what he said he’d done to you but I think now you have another kid on your hands! “ Steve continued to chuckle but His hands had tightened almost painfully, I looked up at him and his expression was shocked.

“Kids? What kids?” His low voiced query alerted Steve and Steve just stared at him, so did I for that matter, twisting out of his grasp I reach forwards to grab one of many photo frames dotting my large desk.

“Ahh these kids, my darling babies, Bee and Nicky …” I could feel new tension mounting as I looked at Him in puzzlement as he reached for the large frame photo of Bee, it was taken this year and it showed her standing alone wearing a gorgeous navy blue dress, her long dark brown hair was done half up most of it was falling around her face and shoulder with two sections twisted and looped back. I feel that rush of fierce love again and I smile up at him, my smile freezes as I see the naked sadness on his face, as he slowly caresses the photo silently saying a name.

“How did you know her name?” I whispered the question and his eyes snapped to mine pinning me there.

“Rebecca Jane Barnes.” His voice is filled with endless sorrow as he whispered the name and I see Steve start at the mention of the name.

“Ah the Rebecca part is right but my baby is Rebecca Anne after my mother …” I look at the photo and my breath strangles in my throat, I see what part of my brain had been screaming at me ever since I’d woken up, my beautiful darling girl is the spitting image of the man standing beside me crying silently.

“Oooh by the sun and moon …. You are their father ….”

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